My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
