I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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