shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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