Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
