I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
