He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
