So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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