she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
