Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
