please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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