the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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