so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
