all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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