What a fucking waste of an outfit
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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