Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
