his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Mom said you looked used
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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