Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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