How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
