Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
