I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
