If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
