i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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