He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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