He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The air taste purple.
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