i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
