his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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