I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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