Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
