i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
