I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
