His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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