Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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