I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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