I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
