So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Randomize
