Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
