he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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