Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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