can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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