When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
