how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
