if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
