**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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