i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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