The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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