He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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