Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
