If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
