You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
