The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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